Overcoming

Behavior is very much learned as it is genetic.  When you observe families, communities, or even workplaces, you'll notice similar personalities and facial expressions that are more common than others.  It's quite interesting to see.

One thing I learned in my young adult years was the ability to overcome certain tendencies and feelings that would otherwise be common in pattern.  I knew this was necessary to do, because the path I was going down was almost the exact reflection of my mother's debilitating depression.  

I don't blame her for it.  Actually, her painful story is deeply ingrained in me and so much a part of who I am today.  My poor mother witnessed her father get murdered at 13 years old.  She was unloved by her own mother who lost her sense of reason after her husband's death.  My grandmother was a young widow to 7 children, my mother being the eldest and solely responsible for her young siblings.  

She was arranged a marriage with my father who did not want to marry her.  He agreed only because she threatened to kill herself out of shame.  My father's side of the family didn't accept her and wanted him to have another wife who was more prominent in society.

Now that is just the first quarter of her life.  I can go on and on and list one tragic thing after another; such as losing her first son, being tortured for three years during the Cambodian War, enduring my father's extramarital affairs, thyroid cancer, my father eventually impregnating another woman, and finally divorce.

The pain in my mother's heart is severe and intense.  I don't think I've ever seen her truly joyful, even to this day.

I went through quite a spell growing up, learning her behavior, and constantly victimizing myself.  I knew nothing else.  But somehow, miraculously, God saved me.  When that aura came over me and I came to know Christ in my life, I began learning new things about grace, love, overcoming, forgiveness, and ultimately how my ashes of the past could turn into something beautiful and remarkable.

It was a slow and long process, but the transformation definitely took place.

I'll be honest, when I go back to New England to visit family and see the same old patterns still repeating itself, when I see everyone's lack of faith, I get extremely frustrated.

The opportunity to overcome and shed a new life is there.  Jesus Christ suffered and died that we may be saved.  Why do the unsaved choose to remain the same way year in and year out?  Isn't hopelessness so tiring and exhausting?  What would it take to get my family to accept Christ and finally overcome our painful past?

If there is anything more I can do or say, I pray that God uses me and confidently, I may move forward both in speech and action without fear of being mocked.  Overcoming brokenness is worth it. God's victory is the best way we can ever live our lives.  All we need to do is accept Him and His will...